Beth's Journey Back to Swimming

After my climbing accident in October of 2010, at age fifty-three, I was counting on water to help put back together my broken spirit and body.  My body had always recognized water as an old friend when I needed to heal from an injury, not to mention almost fifty years of swimming under my belt.

Not this time. The first time I got in the water after my stitches were removed, my limbs did not know what to do. Putting my face in the water caused panic. My nervous system freaked out.

I quickly became aware of how lost my body felt and for the first time in my life, I experienced anxiety from being in a pool. No part of me recognized water as a place of sanctuary.

In total shock and disbelief, I tried to hold back the tears, but couldn't. This was my moment of truth.  The severity of my accident hit home hard. I left the pool speechless and dejected.

In retrospect, it was unfair to myself to expect my body to be the same.  How could it be? When I fell, I broke my neck, most of my ribs on my left side, my sacrum, bones in my hip, lower back, foot, arm, and collar bone as well as tore my ACL, punctured a lung and sustained a mild head injury. It has taken almost three years to be able to swim continuous with both arms and to be pain-free.

This video shows my progression. I included some footage that I had from summer of 2010.  I did not include any of the 10 months of swimming I did only with my left arm while I waited for my range of motion to return in my right shoulder.  I never expected to have to rehab from two frozen shoulders along with the 27 fractures!


My relationship with water started early in life. Even though I have no memories of learning how to swim, I do remember my first swim meet as a six year old.   Even now, I can still recall the drive and desire I experienced in that first race. I swam 25 yards of freestyle all out, maybe took one breath and immediately fell in love with competing.

By age nine, I started to compete year round. I looked forward to going to swim practice. I LOVED feeling exhausted and limp.  My spirit thrived on being a fierce competitor---something that I kept   central in my life by swimming with a team through high-school, during college and with Boulder Aquatic Masters, starting in the 1980's.

It was in my early twenties that I learned about my "other relationship" to water. It happened on the day I received the news about my parents divorce.  On that day in NYC, during a swim at a pool in the basement of St. Bartholomew's Church, I became aware of being held by the water.  The longer I swam the more I realized that being in water was a sacred and healing refuge for my soul.  The absence of noise allowed me to connect with my own inner quiet. In that place I found calm and clarity. This connection is what has allowed me to keep moving forward during my long recovery. All the time I've spent in water doing PT exercises, floating and compromised swimming has given me the ability to recognize the value in staying curious about what the future holds and what is possible. This process has also taught me how to be a better swimming instructor.  I now have more compassion and understanding of what it feels like to be self-conscious, frustrated and discouraged.

Summertime is a special time of year for me. It symbolizes freedom, joy and play. During my childhood I spent every day at the pool from 6am till 6pm. I would be the last kid out of the water in a thunderstorm. The first one in when a game of sharks and minnows started up, and I was the kid at camp who always signed up for all the water sports activities: sailing, canoeing, diving and swimming.
My being needs lots of time in water. It is such a relief to be able to be outdoors this summer swimming with Masters again. It feels like a huge milestone.  I am so grateful to be a part of the swimming community again, to have Jane coaching me and to have rediscovered playing in the water.

For the longest time during re-hab, my biggest worry was whether I would ever be able to train HARD and swim fast again, and lead my lane.  It's too soon to know and may never happen. For now, I am content with being able to participate. Just to be okay with participating is also a milestone.

November 17, 2013
Finally, I am able to swim hard. Today I swam a set of 10 x 100 on 1:45. I got a few 100's down to 1:17. I was blown away that my body could do this. I love swimming hard. And, I still have to check in with every effort. Over the summer, I swam a few times with Masters and found that it was too much. Now I am spending the Winter swimming on my own and plan to join Masters again in the summer. Two days a week, I swim easy and focus on drills. One day a week, I swim hard for a total of 3000 yards.