I understand exactly what Shoney is describing. Prior to my climbing accident, I had always been the person who could eat whatever she wanted and still lose weight easily. I became the person who continued to gain weight no matter how much I exercised or how little I ate because my body had changed in a dramatic way. I would look in the mirror and feel confused. I no longer recognize my own body. Finally, two years later I realized that the only thing to do was to love and accept my body, and believe that in time---I would come to recognize it again.
Taking swim lessons means getting undressed in a locker room, getting
into a swimsuit--seeing my wrinkles and weird little bumps and saggy
places and yes, some fat---and being seen. Even writing this makes me
sweat. I wonder how many people won’t take a lesson because of
swimsuit fear?
Since beginning swimming lessons, I realize that I have been angry with my body for several years now—I felt my body had betrayed me. It is not what it was 10 years ago, though healthier than it was 4 years ago when I suffered months of serious illness and stronger than it was last year after a dog attack left me with two broken bones. I used to be a good runner. I ran 30 marathons, 50-60 miles every week and 5 marathons a year for a long time. While running, I felt like I could fly—I loved my ropy muscles, my flat belly, being strong, being in my body. Being a runner was my identity.
Runners are mostly some version of slim. In the pool there are all kinds of bodies.
Beth constantly reminds me to feel the swimming motions, the breathing —in my body, not just my brain.
I’m not the only self-conscious one, other women change in the bathroom stalls. This is my body at 55. I want to look in the mirror and think good things about my body and banish the self-consciousness, critical voice. No more comparisons between myself, and those who can swim, no more comparisons to my younger body---this is the body I live in, it is a gift and precious.
Beth is an excellent role model for accepting and celebrating the body I live in now and being grateful—she has endured her own struggles with a changing body. And it’s not just Beth, I see people who due to age or disability struggle to get in and out of the pool, a teenager who slips off her cast before lowering herself into the water, a child with a guide dog [the dog naps alongside the pool] taking lessons. I see men and women of all shapes, ages and sizes get into the pool. I get into the pool.
My hips, and belly are bigger than they once were—but in the water nothing bounces like it does on land. And amazingly, after a few lessons
Since beginning swimming lessons, I realize that I have been angry with my body for several years now—I felt my body had betrayed me. It is not what it was 10 years ago, though healthier than it was 4 years ago when I suffered months of serious illness and stronger than it was last year after a dog attack left me with two broken bones. I used to be a good runner. I ran 30 marathons, 50-60 miles every week and 5 marathons a year for a long time. While running, I felt like I could fly—I loved my ropy muscles, my flat belly, being strong, being in my body. Being a runner was my identity.
Runners are mostly some version of slim. In the pool there are all kinds of bodies.
Beth constantly reminds me to feel the swimming motions, the breathing —in my body, not just my brain.
I’m not the only self-conscious one, other women change in the bathroom stalls. This is my body at 55. I want to look in the mirror and think good things about my body and banish the self-consciousness, critical voice. No more comparisons between myself, and those who can swim, no more comparisons to my younger body---this is the body I live in, it is a gift and precious.
Beth is an excellent role model for accepting and celebrating the body I live in now and being grateful—she has endured her own struggles with a changing body. And it’s not just Beth, I see people who due to age or disability struggle to get in and out of the pool, a teenager who slips off her cast before lowering herself into the water, a child with a guide dog [the dog naps alongside the pool] taking lessons. I see men and women of all shapes, ages and sizes get into the pool. I get into the pool.
My hips, and belly are bigger than they once were—but in the water nothing bounces like it does on land. And amazingly, after a few lessons
and hours of practice, my body is changing. Muscles are developing in
my upper arms, my chest and back for the first time in my life. And I find
that nothing banishes hot flashes quicker or with more pleasure than the
pool.
I’m not going to let my embarrassment stop me from achieving my goal. I’m doing this for me! This is the body I will love now, in water and out. And, be grateful for it.
I’m not going to let my embarrassment stop me from achieving my goal. I’m doing this for me! This is the body I will love now, in water and out. And, be grateful for it.
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